Don’t Call Me Baby

By Alice Griffin

The man stopped at the gate to ask for milk…

“Milk?” said the lady
“You’re not a baby!”
But the man liked milk
So she sent him to the field.

“Go get it from the cow then!”
“From the cow?” said the man
“Yes” said the lady
“The cow can be your Mummy.”

So the man walked to the field
To get his meal
To fill his tummy
Saw the calves scooting down
Got to all fours on the muddy ground
And suckled for his food
But the calves looked at him like a fool

“Why do you eat our food?” their eyes questioned
“It’s made for us, not Homo Sapiens!”

The man felt very odd
Like suddenly he realised
Down on his knees
Suckling from a cow’s teat
That this wasn’t how it should be
So he chose to retreat…

And the lady at the gate shouted,
“Hey, baby! Did you like it?”
And the man replied,
“Don’t call me baby.”


The lifestyle magazine written by vegans for vegans.